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A Baker’s Dozen Questions for Infertility

Infertility is an all-consuming bio-psycho-socio-spiritual crisis. But unlike an acute crisis, which resolves in a few weeks, the quest for a family can go on for years. It is hard to concentrate in a crisis state. Therefore, I’m offering thirteen sayings which offer ways to feel normal even as you feel crazed an and questions which are central to the crisis.

  1. Shit makes the flowers grow. As you marinate in do-do, how can you use this time to bloom?
  2. Super ovulatory drugs can make you feel like you’re swinging from trees. Do you long for the days of regular PMS?
  3. Infertility has been measured to be a stressor on a par with life threatening illnesses. Remember your old definition of stress?
  4. Baby-making has replaced love-making. Who would a thunk you’d be aiming to conceive without sex?
  5. Your private parts have gone public. And you never thought you would get used to it, did you?
  6. Infertility offers a new definition of body language. What the hell is your body saying, anyway?
  7. Conception is taking so long. Can you convert road blocks into building blocks?
  8. Spirituality gets evoked when trying to conceive. Where do all the miscarriages go?
  9. An ounce of sperm does not a father make, nor an egg of yours a mother. Might you embrace an adoptee or genetic material from a donor?
  10. Every day feels like a year. Are you making an effort to reclaim joy even if it feels fake?
  11. Love drives the fertility quest. What would help you to keep your love for each other alive through this disruption?
  12. You’re not imagining things. Doesn’t BI (before infertility) feel like a distant memory?
  13. There is an infertility-free zone. Can you learn how to dive under the turbulence?

These days it seems that communications are best absorbed if they do not exceed 140 characters. I’m offering 13 bullet points in the spirit of “less is more.”

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About the Author:

Helen Adrienne, LCSW general psychotherapist, clinical hypnotherapist, and practitioner of mind/body therapy with a specialty in infertility. New York City